How NOT to Query

We here at Arrow Publications, which produces Myromancestory.com, get all kinds of queries for novels. Of course, since we don't do novels as our guidelines clearly explain, we send out a rejection. Sometimes the queries are decently written, but we just don't do what they're pitching. Sometimes, they're so poor that even if we did, the writer would have little hope of publishing anything with their typo-ladened, grammatically horrifying letters. Today, I found one such query that I just had to laugh. Besides having not proofed the thing, this author included the following line to add insult to injury: "I have always admired St. Martin's Press and feel very strongly this is where [my book] belongs." Yeah...well, maybe you should query them then. Just a suggestion.

My First Romance

My story isn't unique or terribly shocking. A much older woman. A beach house and interminable rain. Bored with the board games. No TV. My own thriller at home three hundred miles away. I admit I was desperate for something to read and turned to Victoria Holt. When I saw that tattered, dog-eared copy I thought of my grandmother. She read most of what the author, aka, Eleanor Hibbert, wrote under several pen names, but it was the gothic romances churned out as Holt that were Grandmother's favorite. The book I read that rainy afternoon was called, "Daughter of Deceit". I tell you this not because it's on my list of top ten favorites. I remembered enough keywords from the plot to Google them along with the author's name. When I read the description on Amazon about an "actress in Paris" and "roman ruins" in England I knew I'd found it. Alas, you are going to have to purchase a used copy or run to your library if you want to read it. I can't remember if I liked the book. It was too many books and years ago to recall. But you never completely forget your first and "Daughter of Deceit" was the first romance novel I read. I've read a lot of others since then for work and pleasure. I'm a sucker for a good story whatever the genre. Real Men Read Romance!

Another Bloody Magazine

Here's a novel idea. It's a magazine that is published according to a woman's cycle. Yes, that cycle. According to a press release, in each issue, Four Weeks Magazine recommends foods, products, destinations and DIY projects based on the moods a woman's hormones have her feeling during each week of her monthly cycle. There's also a "hormone horoscope" that forecasts what a woman's month will be like based on her hormones. I know I'm going to stay clear of that last issue. That's the one that always ends with the column "I'm too fat and you don't love me anymore."

Every Tom, Dick, and Harriet

Being a newcomer to the world of romance novels, I confess to some ignorance on a few perhaps minor points. For example, I assume (and the Romance Writer’s of America will surely have statistics on this) that over 90 percent of the readers of romance novels are women. Not that men don’t read romance novels, mind you. It’s just that most of them are still not so in touch with their “feminine side” that they’d be prepared to admit that they just can’t wait for the next Sandra Brown. That would be like admitting that they have no idea what goes on under the hood of their cars. Another point of interest to me. We assume that because most of the people who read romance novels are women that most of the people who write them are as well. But do we really know? I mean, for sure? I personally know at least two guys who write romance novels on the side under closely guarded female pseudonyms. And they do it for the best of all possible reasons. The money! It’s a guaranteed second income – and a good one, at that. Yet both of them are convinced that they would have been turned down flat had they tried to publish under their own names. No matter how liberated we’ve all become, somewhere in our heart of hearts we continue to believe that while men can write sex, romance is still a separate venue and remains the province of the female. Yet it was Lord Byron who wrote: She walks in beauty like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes. Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies. One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impaired the nameless grace Which waves in every raven tress, Or softly lightens o'er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express How pure, how dear their dwelling place. Okay. So that was in 1815. The point is almost 200 years later it’s still beautiful and quite romantic. Am I suggesting that any average guy could write something equally romantic? Of course not. I just think we do men (some of them, anyway) a disservice by assuming that they are incapable of appreciating romance – even if their motivation may be entirely sexual. A friend of mine told me that one fine fall evening she called the guy she’d being seeing for some time and asked if he would like to come over to sit in front of the fireplace and read poetry. “If I do, is there any chance of my getting into your pants?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she said, smiling to herself. “It’s possible, I guess.” His reply was swift and direct. “I’ll stop at the library. What kind of poetry do you want us to read?” Okay. So he’s no Lord Byron. But sometimes honesty is romantic, too. As somebody else (I have no idea whom) once wrote: In sexual bouts and nocturnal rides, the boy “scouts” and the girl “guides.”

The Queen Travels to Comic-Con

If I never understood the phrase sticking out like a sore thumb before, I truly understand after attending a major Comic-Con in search of artists. As a Comic-Con virgin it was certainly something to write home to Mom about. First and foremost, I can state with relative confidence that not only was I the only woman there wearing business clothes, I think I can stretch it so far as to say I was one of the few women not dressed in leather. Believe me, I am still kicking myself for leaving my high-heeled boots and vixen outfit at home. But who would have known! While the artists were all very warm and excited about speaking about their projects and artwork, I did get the occasional sideways glance and “what is she doing here” look…probably had something to do with my lack of leather…again, still kicking myself. Or was it just the amused smile plastered on my face because this blond-haired girl from the D.C. area had an all access pass to Comic-Con even if she didn’t know what to do with it. All in all I would have to say that Comic-Con was an enlightening experience. It was extremely inspiring to walk through the exhibit hall to talk with artists about MyRomanceStory.com and see it so openly accepted. Those I talked with showed interest in not only creating art for us, but also even in subscribing. I don’t think I made a huge impact on Comic-Con but it certainly made one on me.

Sexual Warmth

Sexual Warmth “She drew her knees up and gripped me with her calves and I went deeper into her and held her there, frozen in ecstasy. If I moved a millimeter, I’d explode and she knew it. We held tightly, not moving but struggling for breaths. In a moment, I don’t know how long, the first wave of urgency slowly receded. I probed her slowly and she rotated her hips in response – a slow, rhythmic, undulation done while looking me full in the eyes – a carnal intimacy that almost put me over. We moved and countermoved, sought and found, until I felt the last great wave coming with force from way offshore. She clung to me and whispered in cadence with our ever more frantic hunchng: ‘ Do it! Yes! Do it to me!’ The hot wave swept up from within me and I poured into her with a tight cry, clutching her to me desperately, as if I could absorb her through my skin. It had been a very long time and I seemed to gush on forever. I was releasing about a thousand years of compressed loneliness. After a time, I raised myself up and looked at her. Her eyes were wide and she wore a sort of pleased smile. I had never seen a face more beautiful than hers at that moment.” In reviewing the occasional romance novel, I am often asked to rate it for “sexual warmth.” The previous passage is an excerpt from Shepherd of the Wolves (reprinted here with the permission of the author, William Slusher.) “Shepherd. . .” is one of the two most sexually warming novels I have ever read. Did I mention that it is a mystery – not a romance novel? For most writers – novices and veterans alike – writing sex is difficult and often unforgiving. Because readers’ tastes vary widely in style and content, writers of sex constantly find themselves walking a fine line. It is far too easy to fall out of eroticism and start sounding pretentious, or worse yet, just plain silly. Not that I mind the inclusion of humor in erotic passages. In fact, the second most sexually warming novel I’ve ever read was also one of the most hilarious. The point, however, is that the writer intended it to be funny. Having been an editor for many years, I am perhaps more sensitive than most to language and the choice of words. Phrases such as “fingers found,” “lips tasting,” or “hands stroked” to me sound as though disembodied parts are acting on their own – as though the man or woman involved has somehow become a outside voyeur while their fingers, hands, tongues, etc., are off on some wild independent foray. I can even (dimly) recall a time when the penis was referred to as the “male member.” Member of what? The local Teamsters Union? That said, however, I freely acknowledge the linguistic and grammatical difficulties the writer of sex confronts every day. There are, after all, only so many words and phrases one can use to describe essentially the same thing. This is one area in which the risk of redundancy is quite high. Still, the best sex writing goes beyond mere anatomical description hopefully reaching the place where true eroticism exists in the mind of the reader. To paraphrase an old saying, those who can write sex do. The rest of us are quite content to read.

Friday Referrals

Following Smart Bitch Sarah's lead, I took a look at our search referrals in the tracking software. ask girlfriend threesome and open marriage and lesbian girls kissing: I have to wonder, since these terms were juxtaposed, if they are all from the same person. So, he wants some advice on asking his girlfriend to join him in a threesome. He figures, based on what he reads, that it’s too risky. So, what about the possibility of an open marriage, just in case this monogamous relationship goes one step further? Realizing that he won’t be seeing any marriage if he asks for an open one, he searches for some hot girl-on-girl action, so at least he can live out his fantasies vicariously. love and human remains: Eeek! beautiful breast: You’ll find plenty of those on our site. Just don’t expect any nipple action. We like to keep things tasteful around here. most sensual zodiac sign: That would be Leo. Just ask one. They’ll tell you all about it. seduce women: If you’re searching the internet for this advice, chances are you won’t be too good at it, anyway. bras oprah recommends: This would be someone searching for Oprah’s bra of the month club.

Kiss Me You Fool: My secret love affair with romance comics.

MyRomanceStory Guest Blogger Ronn Sutton romance comic artist It's absolutely true that the first girl I ever kissed was a farmer's daughter that collected romance comicbooks. I was barely a teenager. During part of my father's vacation we were staying on a farm for a few days while my city-bred dad helped a farmer buddy bring in some crops. Meanwhile, Sandra and I nervously and awkwardly necked inbetween reading love comics. Thus began a lifetime interest in romance comics. Oh...and girls, too. As a teen I read and collected all sorts of comics and wasn't even embarassed to buy Marvel Comics' Our Love Story or DC's Falling In Love. Why should I be? I was getting serious about drawing, and the romance comics had hired some of the top comicbook artists in the field, including Jay Scott Pike, Frank Frazetta, Alex Toth, John Buscema, Wally Wood, Gray Morrow, and even comics-innovator Jim Steranko. Decades earlier in 1947, artist Jack Kirby had co-created the very first love comic Young Romance #1. And Kirby was no sissy. Kirby had previously co-created Captain America and would go on to bring the world The Hulk, Fantastic Four, The Mighty Thor, X-Men and countless others. I met the love of my life, writer & artist Janet L Hetherington more than 15 years ago, and one of the first projects we collaborated on was a series of comicbook romance pages. This was before we'd even met, actually. A decade later she'd write, draw and self-publish her own comicbook series Eternal Romance. We'd later collaborate on a number of projects together including my long tenure drawing issues of Claypool Comic's Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. She's also scripted an upcoming Myromancestory.com script called "Dangerous Seductions", and I've drawn two, "Summer Love" and the upcoming "Love In Site". Maybe we'll get to do one together soon. I always wanted to draw romance comics and lately I've had a chance, thanks to Myromancestory.com. For inspiration in my studio there's a big box stuffed with issues of Heart Throbs, Secret Hearts, Young Love, Girls' Love, and more. The ones from the late 1950s and early 1960s are the best ones, packed with gorgeous artwork by John Romita. He may have spent later decades as the longest running artist on Spider-Man, but when you look at his romance comics you can tell he was really into it. Me too.

Too Spicy for Women’s Forum

We were talking to a nice lady at Women’s Forum while mulling over the possibility of becoming one of their partners. Although she loved the site (I think she used the words “fabulous” and “fantastic”), the powers that be at Women’s Forum found our site too spicy. They said they were more focused on family type sites. Needless to say we were surprised. If you’ve read our stories you know they offer the same situations as other contemporary romance fiction—often with tamer language. Certainly the scenarios that we're depicting could be seen on daytime and primetime network television—not to mention the afternoon soaps! Most romance readers are married or have been married and they’ve read their first romance by the age of 16. While MyRomanceStory may not be strictly a family site, our surveys show that we appeal to wives, mothers, grandmothers and daughters. Sounds like a true woman's forum! Besides, is spicy really a bad thing?